Tourettes developmental work

Initially I came up with this idea for Tourettes: I sort of saw Tourettes as a jumpy creature - almost like lightening is zapping it every few seconds. I pictured a spider on a web - and how they vibrate violently when you touch the web. I also liked the idea I've been thinking about lately with the mouth on the brain itself- to represent how the sufferer speaks his or her mind without really thinking. Its a literal representation of words flying out of their head before they can really process what they're going to say. I've also drawn it in an animalistic defensive pose, like its feeling vulnerable and ready to fight back. This is how I picture sufferers with tourettes to feel: like its expected yet unexpected. they don't know when it next coming and yet they know it will and that they cant stop it.






Firstly I scoured google for chat rooms for Tourettes. But when my searches came up short I worryingly tried Omegal - the random webchat site. I tried to talk to people for about an hour - with people skipping me or just ending the chat with me - or making sexual references towards me so yes I agree a rather unreliable source. The only remotely useful conversation I had was with a gentleman below. He didn't really prove very useful though but at least he talked to me about it.

My flatmate knew a girl from her old school who has tourettes and mentioned to her my project. Katy Gough was thrilled to help and said it was such an interesting project, she asked if she could put my blog on her website -' my tourettes'. I think she also has been ask to appear on the BBC to talk about her website and her condition before, So she's really not shy about her condition at all. I asked her to think of tourettes as a visual manifestation and instead of going for creating a creature, she went for more symbolic and relatable things, such as clowns and remote controls. Below I have pasted the conversation between us from facebook, just to show my part in the conversation, and what I replied with. Also what I took from her responses,


This is what I sent her;
Hiya Katy, My name's michelle - my mate Danni told me about your condition and how you might be interested in helping me with a project I'm doing? I am looking into visualization of mental illnesses such as autism, depression, anxiety, tourettes and ADHD. I for one, have aspergus, which is a mild form of autism; so by no means Is this a point and laugh kind of deal. I am interested in turning people's ideas ( those who actually experience the conditions) into visual manifestations so other non suffers can understand it better....does that make sense? sorry I'm bad at wording things XD Ive tried chat rooms online and fb pages and I keep getting blocked. I do also make a point of saying at no point do you need to disclose personal information about yourself. All I need you to do Is tell me if you saw tourettes as a 'monster' or 'thing' or even a situation - what would it be like? colour, size, what it looks like, ect...

Only if that's ok with you :) I look forward to hearing from you

She responded with:
Hi Michelle! Ah it's nice to talk to a fellow aspie! Your project sounds amazing and I would love to share it on my blog if I may. I run a YouTube channel and Facebook page for those with invisible illness (it's called 'invisible i') and I know my followers, many of whom suffer from anxiety, depression, autism and Tourette's, would love to see this! I'd love to help you to visualise Tourette's. I've got a few ideas but like you, I'm find wording things hard!!😂 o I'll have a sit and think about this and get back to you. Speak soon!

I replied with:

Ah thanks so much! If you could come up with maybe three or four ideas that would be awesome. If not one is just fine - i need as much information as possible and i need you to write why you chose certain bits of it. Oh do you have Aspergers too?! That's so nice to hear! The only people i talk to online are people i have never seen and most of them have autism not Aspergers. Of course you can. Tigers and dwarves is my personal blog for fun. Ill send you the link to my project blog later this evening :) of course you can share it. The more awareness raised the better! ( I also gave her the link to my blog)


When she finally got back to me, she said:

Think if I had to visualise Tourette's it would almost be like a clown! It's something we all can laugh at but there's more than just the humour on the surface. I don't think Tourette's would be dark or scary like anxiety or depression. I think it would be bold and almost quite childlike. I always picture primary colour's - it's almost like constantly having a naughty toddler in your head! Again, funny to others but living with that can be stressful and frustrating. It always feels very electric and like energy and it's wired to every part of the body, like live wires just going off around and in you. You try your best to stop it but it's like breathing, eventually you have to breathe!Think the biggest side of Tourette's and most important part is that what you see on the surface isn't all that it is and there's only so much laughing about it that you do until you hit a wall with it. In terms of visualising size, I would say it's quite small but the impact that small thing has, that one loose wire, that one flick of a switch can impact your entire body. So it can be big and small (sorry that doesn't help at all!). Let me know if there's anything else you need or want to try and get an idea of!

So I said: 

Ok thanks so much. Any other ideas? I can do multiple ones?

She said:

Hmm in many ways it's like being strapped to a time bomb! You know it's going to go off but it's just when 😛 Or maybe visualising it like the brain being a remote control and there are moments when you just lose control or someone else has control and that 'someone else' to me is usually that naughty toddler or someone screaming for attention when in fact all you actually want to do is curl up and be invisible. But you can't be invisible with Tourette's because it's so in your face and it's a constant struggle for power for your own body. There's a very common response when I tell people I have Tourette's and that is that people seem to believe that having TS means you're possessed. Obviously that's not the case! But it's a very common interpretation of Tourette's so you could always play around with that idea as I know pretty much everyone who follows my blog who has TS has had that comment said about them.

I said:

 Aww thanks so much! Ill draw up some ideas tomorrow. Its so nice to have someone take part in my project. Ive asked the same questions to many people online and been banned from chatrooms :/ i can understand why tho it may come across a bit insensitive. What would the clowns expression be if i were to draw him? Also...i really like the brain idea. Are you ok if i get back to you with a few drawings and you tell me if its right or not. If not then tell me what i can do to change it - either a little or completely and ill start again :)

She replied with:
Cant believe you've been banned from chat rooms! I think it's an amazing project you've got going.
I think I picture the clown to have all the makeup on and those big fake painted smiles but actually quite a sad or lonely expression
Yeah that sounds fab! Can't wait to see what you come up with, I'm sure it'll be great. I loved your anxiety designs

I replied to that with:
Thanks :) the depression ones were my favorite ones i think
We've got a house viewing this afternoon and i have a few things to do after but ill try and start this tonight Is this sort of what you meant? The headless clown would have the big face on it at the right size. Any other ideas? Is this what you meant?

So I got back to her after a couple of days with a few black and ideas. 

She replied back quickly, saying: Wow those are amazing! Exactly what I was thinking. Think they're incredible!

I asked: 

Thanks . :) any other varying ideas or you want me to get back to you when they're coloured?Are they all bright colours?

she sent:Yeah I feel they would all be bright and bold! Can't wait to see them colored 👍🏻👍🏻

Then I set about coloring them. I sent her all of the pictures I'm about to list below - just to see which one she preferred.

Katy said this was one of her four favorites.






Katy said this was one of her four favorites.







Katy said this was one of her four favorites.
























Katy said this was one of her four favorites.





She sent back: Such an amazing job!

So I said: thanks :) which one for you represents it the best? or do you want me to try another design?
paste the one below you think I should use as the primary representation

She sent this one and wrote:
"I think this one is the best representation and would be understood the best"

So to tie things up I replied with:Ok thanks very much. Thanks so much for helping me with this project! Your welcome to use my blogs on your website. The last thing i need is for you to tell me why you think this best represents tourettes for you. Oh and would you be ok with me using your real name on my blog? To say Katy Gough is someone who had tourettes, she helped me with this project . This is what she told me she thougnt would be an appropriate representation of the disorder. .?

She said: Tourette's is like unwillingly handing over the remote control to your brain to somebody else. It's the reality of having a complete lack of control over your own mind and body.
Yes, I'm happy for you to use my name as well!

We finished the conversation there, with her wishing me the best and telling me she'd be keeping an eye out for my future projects.

Kay O Shea sent me a drawing that her relative; Joey did for my project, same as Brandon did for my ADHD part. He decided to picture his Tourette's like this:

But as no one had ever asked him to picture his disorder before, his mother managed to get a few reasons why he drew what he did, before he had a massive meltdown. I will show the text below from his mother, to Kay.

It was definitely interesting to try all ages ideas, and as these were young children coming up with the designs, I couldn't really keep asking them if it was what they meant, and keep sending variations of ideas. So I tried to stick as close to their original designs as possible.  This is what I came up with:

Joey (as written above) was adamant his monster stayed black and white, so I kept to his wishes, just doing a bit of shading to make him come to life. I can't say I like the design at all, but as It's a young child's drawing and I couldn't change it much, I didn't really have much to work with. Its still good research though! I wanted to give his body a little substance, so I made it a bit thicker with details of hands and feet to make it seem less 2D.

What I find especially peculiar is how Katy sees Tourettes as loud and colourful, whereas Joey sees it as scary and bad - so black and white. I suppose it must seem even more frustrating for a child!

I really feel intrigued by these experiments. I'm finding it amazing how the sufferers with depression and anxiety saw their disorder as creatures, things wrong with themselves, however the autistic people saw everyone else as the aliens and themselves as normal - and also had a more literal representation of their disorder as opposed to a fantasy one. The tourette's suffer; Katy seems to have gone with a literal approach too - likening her disorder to things that are relatable and already exist. peculiar....very peculiar. Another thing I find interesting is that although I never showed Katy my original idea for tourettes - she basically had the same idea. The brain, and the lightning.