The original idea was having the teardrop shaped creature with a mouth coming out of its head on the right, to show the brain's horrible thoughts escaping, but it also doubles well as a a hunched looking bird character. I will color it at a later date.
I took this line drawing to my flatmate, Daniella Susan Graham who has anxiety and asked her how she would picture anxiety as a creature.
She told me she likes the idea of giving it wings; it would have to be something to do with birds - because birds have wings that can be used to shroud things ( perhaps the eyes and ears) As Anxiety for her, is like being in a private world that sends logic out the window - and no matter how much everyone says 'It'll be okay' ; its like you can't hear them. Almost like you have earmuffs on. So she told me she would have him with his wings over the ears and eyes.
She also said anxiety is a fluttering constant irritant, like how a bird flutters its wings; draw him moving constantly, fluttering. "Have it with very big wings."
"You should also draw it whispering into the ear - and I liked the forked tongue idea; like a snake, the tongue could almost be licking the ear, like anxiety gently wiggles into your head. It being forked represents the snide negativity of the thoughts. Like a snake."
"You've drawn it come OUT of the ear - but it needs to be going IN, because thoughts and 'what ifs' come into your head with this illness."
"I sort of see anxiety as a small fluttering black bird - but not just one; many of them, as anxiety is a collection of different worries and thoughts. If you wanted to create one big character, I would say still quite small but it would be made up of hundreds of little black birds. As anxiety and paranoia are quite closely linked, you could do the creature covered in eyes, that look like they're wide and darting around but also look tired because they've been waiting to spot trouble and problems for so long. (So have the birds wide eyed, so the creature is covered in them. looking in all different directions."
"Don't give it teeth. I don't see anxiety as a particularly aggressive illness so no teeth. But have its mouth open like its constantly talking - because anxiety never stops"
"don't give it a head - no head no face - if its made up of little creatures it shouldn't need a head."
"colors? I'd say blue and black, because when you panic and get anxious you get very cold and almost lose circulation in your hands - so when I think of shivering and fear, i think blue and black. But give him a red tongue to really show the negativity and viciousness of the thoughts. Black with blue shading?
"Overall I liked the tongue and wings on your idea, and the line drawings, I just think you need to change the concept a little and change bits"
Now I will attempt to visualize her idea. I will take the finished one back and change it if she tells me something isn't right. If she's happy with it I shall take it to someone else with anxiety and see how they feel about it.
Idea development
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| Danni said this was too blobby - she wanted something more wispy, with birds in it |
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| using mouths whispering ideas in ears? Danni disliked this one too, and said she wasn't exactly imagining a big menacing creature. She doesn't like the big eye as well. |
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| I personally really like this color scheme - very effective, but again, Danni is looking for something more streamlined. |
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| Latest idea - totally new design. same bird pattern and idea of tongues coming out, but different creature - more wispy and crawly. Totally cloaks eyes and blocks ears. |
Then I went and asked Bryony, who told me she thinks it should be tall and wide - pure black like a void. Big tall legs and wide arms with huge hands. Loads of watching eyes all over the place - no discernible head , just bloodshot eyes - perhaps one big eye too.....
".....Or it should be thin, small enough to fit into your ear. Big wide eyes, lots of them, but with tiny pupils. Slender, like a weasel that can sit on your shoulders. Nibbling at your mind. The colour would be scribbley like TV static. It would have clunky badly contrasting colours, as I feel anxiety is you going into sensory overdrive, in a way. It would be wrapped around your neck as it gets hard to breathe when you have anxiety sometimes. It would have spikes and spine; needle like teeth and lots of little eyes, with one big eye."
She said to add the blocky colours and the TV static so this is the next idea. I kind of like it. it doesn't look like it has a solid form.
She told me its got to be black and white now she's seen it
Personally I love the color version as I think it looks more glitch - like it's not meant to be there. I prefer that one a lot more but Bryony says she is happy with this one. I asked her which out of the two designs best represented anxiety for her and she said both of them really, it two half's of the illness.
Then I asked what Sara Ellingham's creature would look like for her anxiety and she said It had to be red - huge and spiky, like a puffer-fish. with snakey eyes that are startled yet staring. She said it needs to be huge and dwarf the sufferer in comparison, like something is looming over them - like a giant weight about to come crushing down. At first she said dull looking colours, and then she said it needs to be smirking, like its proud of what its done. It needs to be fat and huge. Intentionally has to look like a fish. Just the one mouth and no tail. She told me her anxiety makes her feel down and suffocated - like someone is always watching her. She said it needs to be red and hazy. foggy and wispy like its made of smoke. This is my first attempt at her idea and then I worked into it more and she prefers the second idea. She said its as close as I can get to her idea. I did sort of want more chances to try different designs but she didn't seem as engaged as she could have been so I decided not to push it anymore if she was happy with it.
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| Sara wanted it to be red because its a negative colour |
Lastly I asked someone I knew from Fleet, Hampshire, called Molly Drew, who told me she sees anxiety as a big dark mass in the corner of the room - always watching. It doesn't have a mouth, just two beady red eyes, which is interesting considering everyone else has either said many eyes or huge wide ones. It can't speak. It just watches. She also said it has to be black and reaching forward with incredibly sharp claws, like its about to start a bloody attack on her. Looming/hanging shapeless matter - almost blending into the shadows around it. But just clear enough to notice something dark and sinister. Black claws.
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| She said Id hit the nail bang on the head with this design. Her exact words were 'its like you've just taken it out of my head and made it! you're incredibly talented' . So she's pleased and satisfied with it. This, in my opinion, is the strongest design out of all of them and is downright terrifying. It's between this one and Bryony's snake idea as to which is my favorite. I think even though I love the glitch idea on Bryony's one, I still prefer this one as I think its the most powerful . Finished on the best idea. Overall this experiment is thoroughly interesting. I find it fascinating how different people see the same mental illness in different ways. How each creature, although they're all the same, are so different. Its helping me to realize how much art breaks down barriers between understanding within people and how it helps convey feelings that otherwise might be misunderstood. Seeing these terrible creatures really put into perspective for me how frightening anxiety can be. |
Here are the designs all together - showing development from mine - all the way through to Molly's.
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